Tag Archives: facilities

Re: Clandestine changes made to your workspace in the night

Posted on August 15, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

If you’ve ever entered your workstation in the morning and thought, “Surely, someone has been messing with my stuff during the night,” you’ll be pleased and displeased to learn that you are correct. After the rest of the staff goes … Continue reading →

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Lost: The literal keys to success

Posted on July 25, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

Accomplishing anything of merit may be more difficult than usual today, as the Company’s keys to success, were lost sometime Sunday afternoon. The keys had been entrusted to HR’s Phillip Hisey for safekeeping over the weekend; he believes they fell … Continue reading →

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Casino-inspired office redesigns coming soon

Posted on April 7, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

Federal law mandates that we honor one anonymous employee suggestion per month. This month’s randomly selected suggestion was submitted on a bar napkin, in crayon and said, “MAKE OUR OFFICES MORE LIKE CASINOS.” And so, in the coming months we’ll … Continue reading →

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These walls CAN talk (or at least record your conversation)

Posted on March 21, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

Speakers installed throughout our offices for the failed laugh track system have been modified to function as audio recording devices, ostensibly to record meeting minutes. According to Norman Koch in Facilities, the microphones added to the speakers are highly sensitive. … Continue reading →

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Closing our least environmentally friendly facility

Posted on March 2, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

As part of ongoing efforts to make our operations more environmentally friendly, we’re permanently closing our highest polluting facility. The office, dubbed “Silent Spring” by its designers, is a holdover from a different age, one where wanton destruction of the … Continue reading →

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Elevators to collect long term disability insurance

Posted on February 28, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

Through a loophole in the contract with our long term disability insurance provider, a stunning 74% of our elevators will soon collect long term disability payments. “So many haven’t worked properly in so long,” Office Manager Peter Riggano said. “Recognizing … Continue reading →

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Fire alarms now being tested all day, every day

Posted on December 15, 2010 by attnemployeesadmin1

It’s not your imagination: The building has been testing its fire alarms around the clock for the past few months. “Oh, come on,” six separate people on your floor simultaneously cried out as the alarms chirped, chimed and wailed for … Continue reading →

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