As part of ongoing efforts to make our operations more environmentally friendly, we’re permanently closing our highest polluting facility. The office, dubbed “Silent Spring” by its designers, is a holdover from a different age, one where wanton destruction of the planet was a source of pride and a show of corporate strength.
“That office was conceived and constructed back in the early 1960s,” VP of Administration Martin Carvahlo explained, “when it was acceptable, if not encouraged, to build facilities that spit in the very face of creation’s magnificence.” A photo from the groundbreaking ceremony shows the foreman stepping on some kind of bird’s nest as the site manager pours lead paint into a stream.
Some of the facility’s features, standard at the time but now out of vogue, include:
-30 gallon per flush toilets
-Air conditioners that face out to keep the parking lot/cars cool
-Light switches that alternate between “bright” and “brighter still”
-Groundwater contamination stations on each floor
-Carbon dioxide dispensers running full blast, 24/7
The building will be razed at a ceremony next week, and attendance is not advised. You’re invited to share environmental hazards at your location in the space below.