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Tag Archives: IT
Web Browser Roulette: Once an hour, we see what you see
The IT department is testing Web Browser Roulette (WBR), a program they hope will increase compliance with our web browsing policies while also providing cheap voyeuristic thrills. Once an hour, during a randomly selected minute, a live feed of one … Continue reading
Email addresses erroneously changed to most recent Rx
Due to an inexplicable glitch in our email servers, your Company email address will, for the foreseeable future, include reference to the most recent prescription you had filled under our health plan. This may result in some awkward conversations with … Continue reading
Our most unintentionally offensive email address is…
A study prepared jointly by IT and HR has revealed that Andrew Nalphistan has the most unintentionally offensive email address of all our employees, when using the standard “[first letter of first name].[last name]@[business unit].com” convention. It’s a dubious distinction, … Continue reading
Instant messenger going offline/analog
In a nod to the Luddites of the Company, our electronic instant messaging client has been discontinued, to be replaced with an analog system. A vast network of vacuum tubes is being installed throughout and between our offices, with an … Continue reading
“Fire this person” button too popular
Due to multiple wrongful termination suits being brought against the Company, we’re removing the “Fire this person” button from employee profiles on WorkFace, our internal business collaboration network. In retrospect, the button should not have enabled employees to immediately cut … Continue reading
Notes from our IT Department
Due to abuse by a few of you, the Reply All feature in our email client will be disabled for everyone until further notice. If you need to check a pornographic site while in the office, be sure to clandestinely … Continue reading
Racist laments spellcheck’s inability to correct slurs
Ron Tilks, an accountant/racist, was “embarrassed beyond belief” when he mistakenly sent an email with a racial epithet spelled incorrectly. “I look like an idiot,” Ron whined.
Get ready for One Laptop per Office
Inspired by the One Laptop per Child initiative, which aims to furnish low-cost laptop computers to the world’s neediest children, we’re starting a “One Laptop per Office” program. “What’s good enough for one poor child is good enough for all … Continue reading
“Nothing’s Reimburseable” system makes expense reports a breeze
Finance, in partnership with IT, recently completed work on our new expense tracking and reimbursement system, “Nothing’s Reimburseable.” The system operates under one simple guiding principle: Nothing is reimburseable. “From travel on Company business to late night meals and car … Continue reading
Re: Anthropomorphizing our printers
A recently commissioned study found that as many as eight out of 10 of you routinely anthropomorphize the multifunction printer on your floor. This coping technique is infinitely cheaper than replacing the constantly malfunctioning units with more reliable models, and … Continue reading
Attention!Employees 