Tag Archives: health

PrivaCEO executive privacy sack

(Special offer for A!E readers) The tasks of your job are hard enough without the distractions that come with office life. From yahoos talking about reality TV to superiors and underlings interrupting your concentration with asinine requests, the cards are … Continue reading

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Safety is clearly not our top priority

Safety is important, but an intellectually honest examination of organization-wide objectives shows that it’s nowhere near our top priority.  Senior executives from 100 of our business units were asked to name their number one priority, and the twenty most popular … Continue reading

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With “Damaged Goods,” limb loss equals compensation loss

The discontinued Get Paid What You Weigh compensation program was a disaster, but the Company hopes a new initiative with a similar spirit will prove more successful. On-the-job blindings, cripplings and limb-loss are at an all-time high, and the Company … Continue reading

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Work from Hospice program considered

The dream of retirement, a reward for decades of dedicated labor and careful financial planning once taken for granted, is a dream that may prove elusive for most employees. As such, the Company is working hard to generate alternatives for … Continue reading

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Closing our least environmentally friendly facility

As part of ongoing efforts to make our operations more environmentally friendly, we’re permanently closing our highest polluting facility. The office, dubbed “Silent Spring” by its designers, is a holdover from a different age, one where wanton destruction of the … Continue reading

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Stance on necessity of employee hand washing reversed

Since time immemorial, “employees must wash hands” has been the law of the work-land. Effective today, the mandate has been reversed: From now on, employees must NOT wash hands. 

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“Get Paid What You Weigh” discontinued

Due to a Company-wide increase in binge eating, our “Get Paid What You Weigh” program has been discontinued. “I’m not entirely sure why we thought this would end well,” Payroll Director Kristen Rafferty said. “I think it had something to … Continue reading

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