Monthly Archives: December 2010

“Snow Day” not intended to encourage cocaine use

As you may have heard, blizzard conditions up and down the northeastern corridor of the United States have closed many of our offices for a Snow Day. “Snow” and “skiing” are occasionally internet shorthand for “cocaine” and “doing cocaine,” but … Continue reading

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Woman’s glass eye turns out to be her glass ceiling

Despite years of dedicated service, Raquel Ugliaro can’t seem to get to the next level. It turns out her prosthetic eye, needed after a tragic corking incident during a champagne toast, is as much to blame as sexism and her … Continue reading

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4,000th solitaire victory feels hollow

Employee Alan DiNola yesterday beat his 4,000th game of solitaire on his work computer, on Company time. For this desk-jockey, it’s been a journey of diminishing returns. “The first thousand or two really felt like accomplishments,” he said. “I don’t … Continue reading

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Stealing lunch from others is the fast track to savings

Making your lunch at home can save over $50 a week, but foraging in your office’s refrigerator saves money AND advanced planning/effort. Stealing lunch from colleagues is the best way to keep you, and your savings account, well fed. It … Continue reading

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Corporate Prom enjoyed by none

Despite the best of intentions, the first and likely last Company-wide formal prom, held this weekend, was described by various sources as “a sh*t storm” and “a total sh*t show.” Poorly executed thematic elements and perplexing music choices are credited … Continue reading

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“Business nudity” dress code unveiled

To keep our small but vocal population of nudists happy, we’re pleased to announce a “business nudity” dress code option. It’s essentially nudity with a tie, stockings or jaunty cap/sweater tied about your shoulders. Undress for success, as no such saying … Continue reading

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Retirement plan phased out, replaced with multivitamin

We recently ran the numbers, and our current retirement plan will bankrupt us in no time. It’s tempting to blame the aging workforce, but like their now useless reproductive systems, fruitless. Instead of the plan historically enjoyed by your father, … Continue reading

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