Tag Archives: HR

Lost: The literal keys to success

Accomplishing anything of merit may be more difficult than usual today, as the Company’s keys to success, were lost sometime Sunday afternoon. The keys had been entrusted to HR’s Phillip Hisey for safekeeping over the weekend; he believes they fell … Continue reading

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Creepy boss is a creepy father

For most of his life, Marketing VP Bob Crenshaw was a boss best described as creepy, and childless. A whirlwind marriage five years ago to a woman with a 17-year-old daughter named Claire changed half of the “creepy and childless” … Continue reading

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Employee Profile: Lucy Madison

Lucy Madison has been an HR Database Manager with the Company for the past five years. While her HR information systems skills are exemplary, Lucy is best known for her back-flip, which she used to do on command, or for … Continue reading

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Re: The tasteful nude sketches of employees in our restrooms

You may have noticed tasteful nude sketches of yourself and your colleagues popping up in our restrooms. They’re part of our bold new “What We Think You Look Like Naked” initiative. If you’re unhappy with the artist’s rendering, please send … Continue reading

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Our most unintentionally offensive email address is…

A study prepared jointly by IT and HR has revealed that Andrew Nalphistan has the most unintentionally offensive email address of all our employees, when using the standard “[first letter of first name].[last name]@[business unit].com” convention. It’s a dubious distinction, … Continue reading

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Re: The apocalypse and time off

There are numerous signs of the impending apocalypse, from knives that salvage the last precious globs of mayonnaise in a jar to postal workers delivering far more than the mail. As the end of days approach, HR has been receiving … Continue reading

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Hirsute-discrimination training this afternoon

If you’ve ever called a hairy co-worker Chewbacca, or perhaps Magilla Gorilla, you might not know it, but you’ve committed hirsute-discrimination. Our hairy employees are employees too, with real emotions buried beneath their unibrows and neckbeards. To better protect our harriest assets, … Continue reading

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