According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association, this past July was the fourth hottest on record. Many employees have recently been told they will be no longer paid to take the heat, and they’ve been ejected from the kitchen that is the workplace. Read more below; there’s nothing like a cool glass of Schadenfreude-ade to beat the heat.
Three Detroit Human Services workers: “Let them eat furniture.”
Three employees from Detroit Human Services were recently let go when it became known they took $210,000 intended to cover the payroll and administrative costs of hiring employees for food and clothing banks for low-income people, and instead made some lavish furniture purchases for their offices. Shenetta Coleman, Rose Holt and Coraleen Rawls attempted to spruce up their workspace with a $3,000 mahogany-finish conference table, a $469 ottoman and three stainless steel trash cans with motion sensor lids for $315 each, among other things. In their defense, you could fit a lot of hungry people around that mahogany table. (via the Detroit Free Press)
Alfred R. Ferretti Jr.: RI cop masturbates his way to unemployment
After meeting two women at a traffic stop he was manning, Coventry (RI) police officer Alfred Ferretti later appeared at one of the women’s home in uniform. With little fanfare, he removed his gun, pulled out his “pistol” and proceeded to masturbate in front of the women. With appropriate fanfare, they freaked out, and Ferretti is now enjoying the right to remain flaccid, employment-wise (via The Providence Journal).
John K. Dancler: A traffic c*ck no longer
John K. Dancler, a 23-year veteran Los Angeles traffic officer, was recently fired for appearing in a pornographic online video while on duty and in uniform. The name of the pornographic film was not available at this time, but likely names include “Feed the Meter Man Meat,” “Girth-lock,” “Fender Bender and Lick Her,” “Traffic Boner-Jams” and “Parallel Park in My Ass!” (via the Los Angeles Times)
Tameeka Daniel: Soon to be fired, for sure
Tameeka Daniel, a school safety agent, was recently arrested at her East New York home after allegedly selling ecstasy to an undercover cop. Not helping her case are additional charges for criminal possession of a controlled substance and criminal possession of marijuana. Harsh buzz! Her school in southern Queens is likely to fire her AND use this as a teachable moment. Everybody wins (except for Tameeka). (via the Daily News)
Bonus: A self-loathing investment banker tries to fire Wall Street
Lucy Nobbe, a Midwestern mother and investment banker, so blamed Wall Street for the recent S&P downgrade news that she paid for an airplane to fly a banner over Wall Street. The banner proclaimed: “Thanks for the Downgrade. You Should All Be Fired.” Nobbe didn’t seem to think she should be fired for her tangential role in the financial drama as an investment banker. Her daughter, Holly, supports her mother’s stand, literally. “She definitely stands up, she is different than other moms, she stands up and I’m really proud of her,” Holly said. Of her mom’s standing ability, Holly didn’t add, but could have: “She’s like a little Rory Calhoun.” (via ABC News)