Tag Archives: legal

Aggressive karaoke performance terrifies all

Posted on July 20, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

The Legal Department routinely meets at a local bar for team-building activities like drinking, karaoke and yet more drinking. At last night’s karaoke jam, Standards and Practices Manager Reginald Patterson shocked the crowd when he followed a colleague’s sedate performance … Continue reading →

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New cereal promises great taste, lawsuits

Posted on June 13, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

Our breakfast foods division, BRKFST, this morning announced its latest cereal innovation: Lucky Puffs.  The cereal looks and tastes exactly like a hybrid of General Mills’ Lucky Charms and Cocoa Puffs offerings. Daniel Ellsberg, Senior Vice President of Operations at … Continue reading →

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Sex sells, sexual harassment litigates

Posted on May 20, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

Our Legal department has asked that you be mindful that sexual harassment comes in many forms. For example, this newsletter could turn harassing at any moment. “You there,” it could purr. “You there with the bosoms.” Then it could lick … Continue reading →

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“Fire this person” button too popular

Posted on March 14, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

Due to multiple wrongful termination suits being brought against the Company, we’re removing the “Fire this person” button from employee profiles on WorkFace, our internal business collaboration network. In retrospect, the button should not have enabled employees to immediately cut … Continue reading →

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We’re getting a dog

Posted on February 9, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

We didn’t think you’d keep up your end of the bargain, but you did: Four consecutive quarters without a major sexual harassment or racial discrimination case brought against the Company. A deal is a deal, so it looks like we’re getting a … Continue reading →

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Updates from our Legal Department

Posted on January 4, 2011 by attnemployeesadmin1

Our random drug testing program has been suspended, to be replaced with a random drugging program. If approached, you can consent, or decline and acknowledge that the label “SQUARE” will be affixed to your personnel file. Please familiarize yourself with … Continue reading →

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