Monthly Archives: February 2011

Elevators to collect long term disability insurance

Through a loophole in the contract with our long term disability insurance provider, a stunning 74% of our elevators will soon collect long term disability payments. “So many haven’t worked properly in so long,” Office Manager Peter Riggano said. “Recognizing … Continue reading

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Career suicide hardest on the survivors

In your darker moments, many of you have fantasized about committing career suicide. You might think that leaving your job in a bridge-burning blaze of glory, assaulting your supervisors or defecating in your building’s lobby, would permanently end your workplace … Continue reading

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Employee Profile: Dylan Barnett

Associate Financial Analyst Dylan Barnett is the self-described “push-up King” of Finance. “I do 50, sometimes 60 push-ups in a row, every morning.” He attempted to do the thing where you alternately flex your left and right pectorals one at … Continue reading

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De-clutter with Der Staplerr

(Special offer for A!E readers) “Boy, I sure have a lot of staple-removers on my desk,” you think every day as you take in your cluttered desktop. Nobody needs more than one staple-remover, but somehow they’ve amassed in quantity in … Continue reading

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Paradigms no longer changing

After a flurry of paradigm changing over the last decades, our paradigms remain more the same than ever. “I’m so tired of these stale paradigms,” and “ugh, these paradigms, again?” are two of the more common complaints heard around water … Continue reading

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We’re closed for President’s Day

Please be advised that a majority of our locations will be closed today in honor of President’s Day. We reflect not only on the life of George Washington, but also on the contributions of business leaders such as George Zimmer, CEO … Continue reading

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Supervisors swear to show they’re cool

Winston Churchill famously said, “I don’t trust a man who doesn’t swear.” The lesser known ending of that quote: “I’m not f*cking kidding, it proves you’re not just a suit, that you’re cool.”

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