Our breakfast foods division, BRKFST, this morning announced its latest cereal innovation: Lucky Puffs. The cereal looks and tastes exactly like a hybrid of General Mills’ Lucky Charms and Cocoa Puffs offerings. Daniel Ellsberg, Senior Vice President of Operations at BRKFST, explicitly confirmed the origin of Lucky Puffs this morning’s marketing meeting.
“It’s not just a coincidence of names or content,” Daniel said. “The cereal is literally a combination of the marshmallows from Lucky Charms with the cocoa puffs from Cocoa Puffs. Only the sweet, sweet profits will be all ours.” It’s anticipated that the great taste will be matched only by the flurry of trademark infringement lawsuits expected from General Mills.
“Of course, to protect ourselves, we should never use the logos or say the source names,” Daniel continued. “In all of our promotional materials we’ll say ‘good fortune-bringing marshmallow shapes’ and ‘kooky sweet crispy chocolate balls.’” An assistant interrupted Daniel at this point and whispered something in his ear. “I know the walls are recording this,” Daniel bellowed, “And well they should, this cereal is a particularly good f*cking idea.”
Look for Lucky Puffs on a shelf near you later this year. As the flying leprechaun mascot on the concept art for the cereal’s packaging proclaims, “They’re magically cuckoo.”