Finance, in partnership with IT, recently completed work on our new expense tracking and reimbursement system, “Nothing’s Reimburseable.” The system operates under one simple guiding principle: Nothing is reimburseable. “From travel on Company business to late night meals and car service home, the new system covers it all, which is to say, none of it,” CFO Patrick Brent said.
Proof of expenses is no longer required, but you’re still expected to track and report any expenses you incur, for auditing purposes. After Finance reviews your weekly report, $0.00 will be added to your next paycheck. Following the successful integration of the new system, Finance plans to tackle its next big exciting initiative, which is tentatively called, “Nobody’s Getting Paid.”
[Photo: the receipt of the beast by red5standingby, via Flickr’s Creative Commons License]
Attention!Employees 
Wow. Sounds like you and I work at the same place…
;)
Thanks for the morning laugh!
Oh, let’s not give other employers ideas, please. So no, I will not be tweeting this. :)
Is this the same initiative as “Nobody’s Employed” or “No Email is Safe?” At my work, soemtimes, it feels like “Nobody’s Awake…”
Thanks for the concise, brief laugh. Sometimes all it takes is a few paragraph to provide a sufficient giggle! Kudos on FP!
Uh oh! lol Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Big bonus coming in someone’s paycheck
Luckily, my company is quite good about reimbursements. Nothing frivolous of course, but fair.
:D Nothing frivolous of course, but fair. true
thanks
Sounds like one of my former employers. And I’m NOT kidding.
Wow…I sincerely hope this is satire. Otherwise I’m very sad for you.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
Sure hope no one in my company’s accounting department is subscribed to this blog! LOL!
Coming soon: Nobody gets a day off.
Someone’s been reading confidential HR documents!
As an accountant who was involved in the implementation of my company’s current reimbursement policy and reporting system, I would love to offer this as an alternative to fellow employees who complain to me about restrictions. (These employees think the company should reimburse them $100+ per meal and pay the books they purchase to read on long layovers.)
Sign of the times my friend, sign of the times…lol.
Enjoyed the article!!
As long as that $0.00 is after tax you’re golden.
That’s hysterical! Gave me a laugh.
We have to constantly expense so much at my job that we always joke about not paying our personal bills b/c we have to pay for the next “insert work related expense” just about every other day : /
Sure, but you know that Finance will still reject half of the expense reports because you still f**’d up the expense coding introduced in, Coding in 875 easy steps: You and our Money!
Great satire. How about writing No One’s Insurable for the next article.
Congrats on being freshly pressed. Now let us hope these radical ideas don’t spread to where I work :-)
“Nobodies getting paid” hilarious! Yeah my old job took so long to pay you back you forgot about it, it was usually short, and you didnt feel like wasting the time to argue with finance to wait another 3 months to get another short check lol Go big or go home: Adding color to black and whites. Black and white blah or black and white BAM. How to turn contrasting colors into an unforgettable outfit. http://ow.ly/3CrSc
This would really suck if true… but it would make life easier on one side of the equation. All questions now have the same answer! Nice one!
As a small business owner of an insurance casuality agency of twenty-seven years, we are fighting expenses everyday under what will be all small businesses’ future under Obama (if he is sadly elected to a second term). In order to maintain the salary levels of our employees, yesterday I spend the morning on the phone with our electric company who services our offices and our home. I am happy to report that TXU in both cases worked with me in getting us lower, more reasonable rates for our electricity. Sometimes, it pays just to “ask.”
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This would really suck if true… but it would make life easier on one side of the equation.
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