New readers embraced, rewarded and bribed

If you’re new to the Attention!Employees fold, welcome, and thank you for joining us. For your time and attention, you’ll each receive a small bonus in this coming week’s paycheck. If for some reason the bonus is not included, please direct any questions to your local Finance department.

As a reminder, every time you refer a coworker to this newsletter (via the sharing links below or perhaps an email that says “I peed a little reading this, check it out!”) you’ll earn an additional day of paid time off (PTO). If that coworker in turn refers another coworker (“My friend peed a little after reading this, and then I did too! OMP!”), you’ll both receive an extra day of PTO. This quasi-pyramid scheme is our way of saying thanks.

To take advantage of any bonus PTO you accrue, simply show this post to your direct manager or local HR representative. If they suggest they don’t know what you’re talking about, please be advised it’s only a ruse to get you to sacrifice the additional PTO you’ve accumulated. Be persistent.

[Photo: paycheck by owaief89, via Flickr’s Creative Commons License]

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About attnemployeesadmin1

Attention!Employees is the employee newsletter for everyone, regardless of employer/employment status. Written by communications professional Jerome O. Gnome.
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5 Responses to New readers embraced, rewarded and bribed

  1. auntbethany says:

    But wait! What IF I’m not actually employed by a recognizable company right now? Do I get to keep my days off, save them up, and cash them in once I have a big-girl-job?

    What if I’m self-employed? If I give myself these time off coupons, won’t I just re-use them?

    Glad to be a new reader on this site!

  2. xmatman says:

    Uh, what happens when we run out of family members, friends and colleagues to e-mail? Will this little quasi-pyramid scheme collapse? And will those at the top simply disappear with all the PTO? Perhaps I should e-mail this to the FTC to make sure I’m not participating in a full blown pyramid scheme. :-)

    • Be creative: You can always make more friends, and if you’re blessed with a healthy reproductive system, more family.

      • xmatman says:

        ROFL … think I just made another friend! :-) As for my reproductive system, I decided to take it off-line (after almost 20 years of production and being in the red) because I could no longer afford the overhead! Outsourcing wasn’t an option.

        Thanks for making my day! ;-)

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