A colleague in Finance remains in critical condition today after being stabbed for constantly saying the name of the popular Toblerone candy bar in a stab-worthy fashion, i.e., “Tobler-ONE.” A blade stamped with the phonetic spelling of the legendary triangular Swiss chocolate with honey and almond nougat (“Toe-bler-own”) was found at the scene, and the suspect remains at large.
This is the third candy and pronunciation related stabbing in as many years. We all remember the unfortunate incidents around the pronunciations of Zagnut (“It’s not ZagNOOT,” a frantic employee shrieked as he attacked his colleague) and Sour Patch Kids (“Sir Patch Kids,” insisted a former colleague up until the moment he was shivved).
“Look, people around here understand all too well the deadly consequences of typos,” said Corporate Security’s Chaz Deveccio. “Maybe now they’ll start taking proper pronunciation more seriously.” Editorial comment: Chaz said the word “proper” like the first syllable rhymes with “rope.”