In your rich internal world, you’ve probably constructed a number of vignettes wherein you work up the nerve to quit your job in a bridge-burning blaze of glory. Actions speak louder than words, and any of the options in this year’s “resignation fantasy” poll, found below, all say “I quit” at top volume.
In recent years, a particularly juvenile resignation fantasy has won top honors. Commonly referred to as “quitting by sh*tting, this method involves setting up a meeting with your boss under the guise of urgent business (“It’s about the budget”), only to show up and defecate on said boss’s desk (“Budget this!”).
“Defecating on a rival’s turf is a primal instinct,” notes Harvard anthropologist Chet Livingstone. “It sends a clear message: ‘You can f*ck right off, mister.’” Chet also expressed surprise that this poll option had finished first so many times, instead of in the number two position.
Please vote on your top resignation fantasy via the poll below, and send the link to other colleagues. One lucky employee will be selected at random and allowed to act out their resignation fantasy in a consequence free setting.