More on the 101% budget cuts

As mentioned yesterday, certain underperforming business units will notice a 101% budget cut in the coming fiscal year. Below you’ll find a list of the business units that will be defunded like a girl on prom night (if “girl” = an underperforming business unit and “prom night” = the coming fiscal year; “defunded” = defunded).  

  • BadKid Enterprises (Makers of SoapPaste®, the punishment-toothpaste for kids)
  • Ferrous Minimus (Makers of Brittle n’ Flammable® brand steel girders)
  • The Porcelain Gentlemen (Makers of Toiletres Bien!®, the toilet paper that teaches you another language)
  • Internet’s Own (Makers of What?!?® brand manufactured outrage)
  • Holy Ish (Makers of TrueKross® brand fake pieces of the true cross)
  • Conception Denied (Makers of Fairly Effecitve® brand DIY-IUD)
  • Assorted Haberdashery (Makers of TissueTie®, “The Tie You Sneeze On”)
  • Icarus Aviation (Makers of Fly Low® brand wax-based personal transport systems)
  • The Dreaded Hippy (Makers of You’re Still White® brand dreadlocking supplies for caucasians)

Employees at these business units will be subject to a two-step financial reckoning. 1) A hat will be passed to collect the 1% of the previous year’s budget now due as a penalty. 2) The hat will be passed a second time to collect money that will serve as an operating budget for the coming fiscal year. Dig deep, Colleagues!

[Photo: Budgeting by RambergMediaImages]

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About attnemployeesadmin1

Attention!Employees is the employee newsletter for everyone, regardless of employer/employment status. Written by communications professional Jerome O. Gnome.
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