If you like punitive financial policies, you’re going to love the Company’s plan for the coming fiscal year: Budgets at some underperforming business units will be slashed by 101%. Since kittens make difficult news easier to process, the kitten-based policy description below is being deployed.
Let’s say your budget for the last fiscal year could be represented by 100 kittens. In this hypothetical cat-as-cash scenario, if you’re an identified underperforming business unit, in the coming fiscal year you will receive no kittens with which to conduct your business. Additionally, in addition to receiving no new kittens, under the new system you’ll also be expected and required to provide one kitten for the Company’s “kitten koffer.”
To those that say, “This is outrageous,” the Company’s official response is, “The 1% is due at the end of the month.” But also, kittens! A list of our business units impacted by the new policy will be made available tomorrow.