Frank talk about our evil businesses

As you know, some of the Company’s sub-brands and businesses are involved in wicked deeds. A few undermine the fabric of civilization, while others are destroying social institutions and/or taking advantage of the poor and ignorant. Some days it’s harder to swallow than others, but swallowing such things is implicitly part of your employment contract. The Company hopes that your spoonful of compensation helps the atrocities go down.

Rest assured that the Company is only in it for the money, and very rarely for the thrill. The Company doesn’t want to create deadly chemicals or drive species to extinction any more than the next multinational conglomeration, but in certain sectors it’s quite profitable. Those profits trickle down to your paycheck, enabling you to purchase the goods and services you need to distract you from the fact that you are indirectly involved in some societally corrosive business.

Please don’t let the evil aspects of our work make you think negatively of the Company as a whole. You probably went to high school with a bunch of people, some very pleasant, some crude thugs. The thugs didn’t define the experience, did they? Or perhaps you should think think of our more despicable entities as the drunk, racist Uncle at Thanksgiving. You might hate him (“our evil business units”) but you’ll do anything to keep your Mom’s pecan pie (“your pay/health insurance”) coming

Some of our most vile subsidiaries:

-Amalgamated Toxics (Makers of PuppyKill® brand puppy-poison)

-Agrariana, Inc. (Makers of Salt-in-the-Earth® brand genetically modified seed and fertilizer)

-Industrial Abductions (Makers of Let’s Harm!® brand duct tape and box cutters)

-SIDkids (Makers of Choke-a-Tot!® brand pacifiers and neck leashes)

-HagueCo (Makers of GenBox® brand genocide in a box)

[Photo: Mr Robin Wants A Word In Your Shell-Like by The James Kendall]


About attnemployeesadmin1

Attention!Employees is the employee newsletter for everyone, regardless of employer/employment status. Written by communications professional Jerome O. Gnome.
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