As a prophet once said, it takes two to make a thing go right; it takes two to make it out of sight. And yet, you’ve only been using one keyboard at a time… until now. A second keyboard will soon be added to every workstation, and simultaneous use of both is mandatory. You’ll be doubling your productivity and doubling our funds before you can say “asdf asdf jkl; jkl;”.
The average employee types at a rate of 80 words per minute with the traditional single keyboard set up, so the Company assumes that rate will increase to 160 words per minute (cumulative) after the additional keyboards are deployed. It’s the same kind of thinking that enables the Company to say “Do more, with less, faster,” without a trace of irony.
Over time, our twice as productive workforce can be cut in half, with no reduction of profits. Then the smaller workforce will be trained to use four keyboards at a time, doubling productivity yet again while setting the stage for another round of layoffs. By 2040 it’s hoped that we’ll be able to reduce headcount to a dozen or fewer employees, each simultaneously operating millions of keyboards.