Procurement Manager Guy Hoole prides himself on going to great lengths to get the Company the tools and resources needed to get the job done. “If I can’t get it, it doesn’t exist, or you made it up or it’s extinct,” he said, cigarette dangling from his lips. Some colleagues, and authorities in 14 states, question his methods, but he’s effective. “Fast, cheap, and legal: I’ll get you two out of three, every time.”
No man is an island, and Guy is no exception. He relies on a vast network of other “guys” to help him accomplish his tasks. Need 4,000 desk chairs? “I got a guy for that.” Need a truckload of keyboards? “I got a guy for that.” Need a haiku about antidisestablishmentarianism? “Actually, I am the guy for that: Government needs God / In him we trust, c*cksuckers / Church and state are one.” He added that he has no affinity for religion, or government, but just likes writing haikus.
[Photo of Guy from his employee ID. “I procured this collar from the 70s,” he said.]