Re: The apocalypse and time off

There are numerous signs of the impending apocalypse, from knives that salvage the last precious globs of mayonnaise in a jar to postal workers delivering far more than the mail. As the end of days approach, HR has been receiving an increasing number of questions about what this upcoming period of transition might mean for your accrued time off and sick days. A more comprehensive guide, (“Apocalypse NOW: And of my job?”) is being prepared, but until it’s finalized, see a few early highlights below. 

  • Should the world come to an end in 2012, as the Mayan calendar suggests, all earned time off and sick days will expire with you and the rest of humanity. Other apocalyptic prophesies will be considered on a prophecy by prophecy basis.

  • If you believe you’re the victim of an apocalypse, and don’t want your absences counted against sick days, you’ll need to provide documented proof of end-times activity. It might be photographic evidence of four grim horsemen on their spectral journey of doom, or perhaps you work in the Travel Department and saw a trip itinerary that has Jesus planning a second visit.

  • In the event of rapture, accrued time off will be distributed evenly amongst the next of kin left behind. It’s expected that they’ll need the additional sick and vacation time to help them cope with the harsh realities of a post-rapture hellscape Earth.

If you have any additional questions while the Apocalypse NOW guide is being finalized, consult your local HR rep. They speak sooth.

[Photo: office by **yukiko**]


About attnemployeesadmin1

Attention!Employees is the employee newsletter for everyone, regardless of employer/employment status. Written by communications professional Jerome O. Gnome.
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4 Responses to Re: The apocalypse and time off

  1. Rob says:

    Okay, so lets say I am a victim of an apocalypse, provide photo proof as requested, yet only need 1/2 day. Will that be counted against me? Sounds like you are only crediting for full days absence. This seems highly unfair and I will be contacting my union steward right away. I’m tired of you people in P.R. abusing me like this! H.R.! Whatev-R!

  2. Pingback: Firings this week: Entertainment edition | Attention!Employees

  3. Pingback: Christians mistakenly job-raptured | Attention!Employees

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