The Company has launched a new project management system called “Everything’s a Priority.” At the risk of hyperbolizing, it’s poised to revolutionize the way we work and may be better than all the major religions of the world combined. Starting today, you no longer need to worry about which of your tasks and deliverables is most important. With “Everything’s a Priority,” everything is most important.
Say goodbye to the anxiety of trying to sort out priorities yourself, and hello to the anxiety of everything taking precedence over everything else. While it may be taxing during the adjustment period, the program is expected to simplify the decision making process.
Instead of choosing between competing priorities, “Everything’s a Priority” gives you the mandate you need to do everything at the same time. Have a scheduling conflict between two critical meetings? Go to both. Is one resource needed for two projects? Apply the resource where it’s needed most (i.e., both projects).
The program was originally going to be called “Separate AND Equal,” but the name tested poorly in focus groups. Skeptics point out that if everything is a priority, in reality nothing is a priority. In related news, the future of skeptics in the Company isn’t looking very bright.