In the worst typo-related tragedy in the Company’s history, a flyer that incorrectly announced the start of our “Spring Intern Pogrom” resulted in the deaths of 247 interns and injured 782 more. The flyer was supposed to generate excitement about our spring internship program, not encourage targeted killings and violence against our most treasured source of free menial labor.
Within moments of the flyer’s electronic distribution, angry mobs of employees had gathered at many of our locations, chomping at the bit to bring harm to our interns. Cries of “Get the terns” and “Terns take our jobs,” could be heard echoing in the hallways (“tern” being a pejorative shortening of “intern”). Armed with staple removers and letter openers, the roving gangs seemed to lose all sense of humanity and compassion. This isn’t uncommon in an office setting, but seldom are the results so tragic. “I only wanted to gain experience, maybe network a little,” said one maimed intern.
The Company sincerely regrets the loss of life, limb and labor. If you lost an intern and would like a replacement, please contact HR.