(Special offer for A!E readers) Douche’s Law (named for Antoine Douche) stipulates that the volume of a conversation on public transit is inversely proportional to how much anyone not involved cares to hear it. Most want a quiet ride home, but a few insist on loud, uninteresting conversations. Attempting to tell someone to “please be quiet” on mass transit usually results in a hostile, “Make me!” Well now you can with ComMUTer, the portable rocket propelled gagging device.
Borrowing the latest in portable, rapid deployment BDSM technology, ComMUTEr fires a ball gag through the air and into the gaping maw of the target. Proprietary, patent-pending technology guides the gag directly to the nearest and loudest source of hot air. The device holds one gag in the chamber plus six in the clip, so you’re always ready to silence a group of most any size (fewer than seven).
ComMUTEr folds down to the size of a water bottle, yet is powerful enough to handle the drunkest bankers and the rowdiest teens. ComMUTEr is also available with an optional electromagnetic pulse (EMP) feature, to disable cellphones and portable DVD players/gaming systems used without headphones. Your devices, as well as those in a one mile radius, will also be disabled, but it’s a small price to pay for the gold that is silence.
Put the MUTE back in your commute with ComMUTEr. Order today by thrusting your fist in the air and mouthing (but not saying) the word “ComMUTEr.”
Warning: ComMUTEr poses a severe choking hazard.
[Photo: 10/365 (1) – March 29, 2008 – People Shouldn’t Talk So Loud! by meddygarnet, via Flickr’s Creative Commons License]