Administrative Assistant Diane Aspera seems incapable of making any of the numerous administrative and/or clerical errors that plague her peers. Her secret may surprise you. “The ace up her sleeve isn’t an ace, or playing card, at all,” an anonymous source told A!E. “It’s a coffee mug with a fart joke on it.”
According to the source, Diane accepted the mug as payment after helping a gypsy with assorted administrative tasks. While most of our employee interactions with gypsies result in a curse, this is a rare instance where the exchange ended well. In the time that Diane has been in possession of the mug, she has not made a single typo, and she’s neither botched an expense report nor dropped a call during a transfer.
The mug, which Diane never lets out her sight, pictures an illustration of a doctor breaking wind while bold letters proclaim, “The Fart Doctor will see you now.” It’s unclear if the cartoon doctor is merely gassy himself, or if he also specializes in treating gastrointestinal distress in others. Asked for comment, a representative for the American Medical Association responded, “If he went to fart medical school, he’s a licensed fart doctor.”
A!E called Diane to ask if the enchanted coffee mug is responsible for her impressive performance. “That’s absurd,” she said. Asked if she would ever part with the mug, she cried, “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,” and hung up.