Employee Profile: Stephanie Lawler

More than the rest of us, Stephanie is always “on the clock.” As our CTO (Chief Temporal Officer), Stephanie’s sole responsibility is watching all the clocks, so you don’t have to. If you’re wondering how long it is until you can grab a smoke, take a lunch break or leave for the day, just give Stephanie a call and she’ll let you know. “I can also tell you how much time is left in a boring meeting, or how long a colleague plans to discuss a television program you’ll never watch.”

Her office features a staggering array of devices for measuring time, the centerpiece of which is a metronome given to her by Pierre St.L’Orange. If you haven’t heard of him, you’re not alone, but Stephanie claims he’s “a giant in the metronome world.”

Stephanie is also a patron of the arts, though she has a bone to pick with the song “Seasons of Love” from the popular Broadway show RENT. “They claim that 525,600 minutes constitute a year,” she explained, “but that doesn’t allow for leap years. The song is only accurate approximately 25% of the years in which it’s sung.” Stephanie has written the show’s producers on multiple occasions, asking that they add the phrase “or 527,040 minutes every fourth year” to the chorus. They haven’t responded, but she can wait.

“Time? It’s on my side. Yes, it is,” Stephanie said. When asked if she was a Rolling Stones fan, she stared blankly before looking at her watch, then the door, then a second watch further up her arm, then the door again, and finally, a third watch.

[Photo of Stephanie from her employee ID. As soon as she can secure some Cesium 133, she’s building her own atomic clock.]

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About attnemployeesadmin1

Attention!Employees is the employee newsletter for everyone, regardless of employer/employment status. Written by communications professional Jerome O. Gnome.
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One Response to Employee Profile: Stephanie Lawler

  1. Pingback: Casino-inspired office redesigns coming soon | Attention!Employees

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