Please be advised that a rumor circulating about a revision to our hand washing policy is without merit. Some have heard that “Employees must wash hands” will soon be a literal mandate, inspired by Jesus and his signature foot washes. Just as Nazareth’s hometown hero washed other peoples’ feet, the rumor goes, so too will you be expected to wash the hands of others. Please be advised that this rumor, like reality TV, is not grounded in reality.
Jesus was a great man, but as an employee he lacked motivation, perhaps due to an avowed disinterest in cash bonuses. His permanent record also notes that he questioned his supervisor on the eve of a major presentation, though Christ did ultimately redeem himself with a successful completion of the project.