Executive flatulence ignored

If an executive passes gas in a meeting, but no one acknowledges it, does it make a sound? As attendees at yesterday’s quarterly status meeting will anonymously attest, it does. SVP of Affiliate Sales & Marketing Allen Adams let loose a mighty wind while listing his expectations for the coming quarter, but everyone pretended to hear not the sound and smell not the funk.

Just like it was unwise to be the first person to stop clapping for Stalin, it’s a poor career move to be the employee caught whispering “Yo, the boss just straight up farted!” Though the flatulence was publically ignored, it was the sole topic of private discussion after the meeting’s conclusion.

“Allen tried to play it off like he was clearing his throat,” an unnamed source said. “That’s a disgusting way to clear your throat.” The windowless room also betrayed Allen, according to another meeting attendee who spoke on condition of anonymity. “I’ve only smelled something like that once before, when I worked in contracting. When pulling down some drywall, I found a family of mice that used the space first as a residence, then as a tomb.”

As a reminder, it’s best to ignore most bodily functions of your superiors, from belches to eye-crusties and everything in between.

[Photo: Executive Board Room Facility at Crowne Plaza San Francisco International Airport by SFO CP, via Flickr’s Creative Commons License]


About attnemployeesadmin1

Attention!Employees is the employee newsletter for everyone, regardless of employer/employment status. Written by communications professional Jerome O. Gnome.
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3 Responses to Executive flatulence ignored

  1. Just started reading your posts, and as a fan and fellow writer of fake office news stories, I’m loving them. Keep ’em comin.

  2. Pingback: Celebrating our bathroom graffiti | Attention!Employees

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