At yesterday’s morning status meeting, Marketing VP Kirk Blackburn shocked attendees by revealing that “he” is actually two children in a suit. Brett Ware, 5, filled the pants and lower torso of a suit, and his twin brother Anthony sat on his shoulders, filling out the upper suit and providing the face and voice of the surprisingly savvy Blackburn.
Despite guiding a string of successful marketing campaigns delivered on time and under budget, there were always signs that there was more to Kirk Blackburn than met the eye. “His pants always seemed baggy, his proportions were way out of whack and his upper and lower body were never quite in sync,” his assistant Krystal said. “I thought it was because his mom drank when he was pregnant or something, not because he was actually twin boys masquerading as a marketing executive.” She went on to note that “Kirk” also had a habit of giggling into his suit jacket, which seemed to giggle back.
Brett and Anthony were unavailable for comment, as they were in bed for the night. A spokesperson for the boys said, “My sons only wanted to increase their chances of getting good internships in college. They apologize for misleading people, but not for their world-class marketing insights.”