Company-wide holidays promote rest and rejuvenation, but unfortunately they also seriously damage our bottom line. According to Finance’s Colin Hooper, each day our locations are closed we forfeit “a f*ck-ton of money” in lost revenue. In a major cost-cutting effort, starting next year we’ll have one fewer official days off. Your assistance is requested to help us determine which day off will go from “fun” to “fungible.”
“Last year we decided to observe three additional holidays in an effort to revive morale and placate employees after a round of mass layoffs,” said HR’s Amanda Koh. The effort worked. However, one of the holidays must now be removed in an effort to prevent further mass layoffs.
The traditional holidays (e.g., Christmas, Thanksgiving) are safe at this time, as the cut will come from one of the three holidays added last year:
Some Years This is February 29th Day
- Self-explanatory, observed February 29 or March 1
Jesus’s Half Birthday
- While some claim this is just a gimmick to get people to spend more during the summer months, true believers know Jesus would want you to get yourself a little something on or about June 25
- Celebrates the day in 2004 Flava Flav became, for a brief time, relevant once again