Our people are our most valuable resource, but, paradoxically, they’re also our greatest drain on resources. As you may know, an incredible quantity of energy is consumed powering the electronics you use to do your work, as well as to heat, cool and light facilities where that work takes place. It’s a burden we won’t shoulder alone It’s a burden we can share together!
To defray the rising costs of electric and oil bills at our offices, soon all desk, lobby and break room chairs will be replaced with stationary bicycles attached to generators and storage batteries. Anytime you want to use a computer, make a phone call or enjoy lighting/HVAC, you must pedal. Compliance monitors, reminiscent of gym teachers from your childhood, have been hired to wander the halls looking for sedentary employees, motivating you with shrill blows from their whistles and much shouting.
Should you wish to purchase your share of energy instead of generating it, you may do so at current market rates, plus a hefty service fee. Employees unable to pedal a bicycle will have the option of using a hand crank; if your physical condition doesn’t allow this, you’ll be provided a series of desk-sized windmills to huff and puff at; if this isn’t a possibility, we’re developing a way to harness the energy of your blinks, and it should be ready soon.